Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
