..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Randomize
