I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
