We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
