my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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