One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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