i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
