I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
