so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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