JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
