Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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