hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the condom got lost in my hair
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize