He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
