This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
