Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize