so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
