"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
