he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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