sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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