i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
