you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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