are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
