she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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