I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I puked a lego.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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