A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
