her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
PANTIES FOUND
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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