i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
