OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
