return my video game
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
