I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
