Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
