haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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