yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
