Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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