Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
