yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
