hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want nice things and good sex
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
