when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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