She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
