You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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