We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
