well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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