those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize