why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
