oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
