Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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