the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
