Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
