I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
