how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
