I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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