Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You ruined the universe
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize