I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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