I must be too annoying 4 u.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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