he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
