like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
