i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
