Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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