she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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