THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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