I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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