your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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