Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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