chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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