Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
