im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
