I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize