Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
