I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
