Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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