I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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