how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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