Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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