I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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