u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
