Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
