I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
