how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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