we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
