Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
