Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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