What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
