my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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