I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
