I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
