Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(243): View more from

the bitch is dead man

(1-243): View more from

YOUR DOG DIED?

(243): View more from

no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.

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(631): View more from New York

My cock was attacked by outdoor plants

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(469): View more from Texas

You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.

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(347): View more from New York

I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant

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(516): View more from New York

Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.

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(512): View more from Texas

its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.

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(214): View more from Texas

If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.

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(703): View more from Virginia

You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....

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