I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
