she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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