You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He shit in the fireplace
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dear god my vagina.
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