I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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