living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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