I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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