I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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