alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
