Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
