So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
