i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i dont even know how to be here
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
