Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
