these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Less talking, more tequila
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize