New invention idea: vibrating tampons
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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