Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
