Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
