Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
