i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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