btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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