yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
