Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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