I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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