Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
