just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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