Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize