we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
