i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
