dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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