nut hugger
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am naked and annoyed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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