I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
