i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
