so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
